Helping a loved one who is depressed can be very difficult. Sometimes caregivers feel helpless and unsure of what to say or do. Fear can cause helpers to be overbearing, hovering and treat the depressed person like a child. This is not particularly helpful for either the depressed person or the helper.

Here are some principles to keep in mind when someone you love is depressed.

Question

Dear Dr Duffy,

i was hoping if you would be able to advise me about a friend that i have who seems to be lying about things. i believe that he has a mental problem and that i believe that he does not realise what he is saying. i have known him for 3 years, and he has lied with alot of confidence for example lying about countries that he has visited, when he obvious has not, jobs he has had, etc. i just want to be sure that if whether this is true or not. should i ask him further questions about the lies that he has told me, without me mentioning to him that i know he is lying. and if i do this i hope it does not make his mental state worse. what should i do? i look forward to hear from you.

The Grief Process

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The Children of Chazon Children Center in Molo Kenya and Virginia

More about Kenya Outreach Projects

Mission of  Virginia J. Duffy and Asbury First United Methodist Church Rochester, NY

I recently returned from a month in Kenya. I visited Watoto Wa Baraka (WWB)  the orphanage where our Sunday school children’s penpals live. This is where we used your donations from Easter to build a water tank tower to store precious water.  It was so good to see the kids, they are terrific. (see pictures)

Have no fear this is  really not a political post.

I have been thinking about how people know who to believe without doing the original research themselves ?

I remember a quote I read awhile ago that helps me with this question, maybe it will help you.

According to a great article in the NY times,  “If you have the awful sensation that your body’s stress response has taken on a self-replicating and ultimately self-defeating life of its own, congratulations. You are very perceptive. It has.”

This article needs concentration when trying to understand it, but it well worth it. It explains how your stressed brain tends to be susceptible  to further stress due to its’ own reaction.  But the good news is that is also assures you that the brains reaction to stress can be reduced.  It is worth more then a casual read and also development of a plan to decrease your own stress response.

I have always been thrifty as I grew up in a poor family.  As a professional I used to be somewhat embarrassed at my thriftiness. NO MORE!  I am now personally cutting back even more in my life, downsizing and trying to not WASTE money. It is nice to know I am not alone.  I am sorry for those who are being forced to downsize  due to the economy, but I sense that some of us are enjoying it also. 

Recently I was talking with some friends about empathy. They seemed to want to know more. I wondered if my readers felt the same way.   I decided to publish  a selection from my book Behavioral First Aid that I thought you might find helpful.

Empathy is the most effective and important communication skill of all.

Basic empathy has two components. The first component is the ability to “walk in another’s shoes- that is, to understand the experience and feelings of another person in their particular circumstance.  The second component of empathy is the ability to successfully communicate that understanding to the other person.

The NY Times  this morning reports  that the rising toll of suicides in the military has hit a National Guard unit particularly hard: four soldiers, out of roughly 175 members, have committed suicide.

 If you haven’t read Seth Goden’s blog you should check it out.

Seth is a marketer and non-business readers might think they would have no interest in what he has to say. Beside his marketing savvy what I like about Seth is his humanity and philosophy.  He has a great sense of humor, a terrific instinctual understanding of people and what they need and like, and what motivates them. He is practical not pretentious at all, speaks to you with respect and offers what I see as truly practical advice applicable in business and life. Seth incorporates social justice in his marketing practices.