PsychSense: Sensible Psychological Solutions

A Peaceful Long Weekend Retreat Reduces Stress

Dr. Duffy — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 04:03:19 +0000

Hello my faithful readers. I want to let you that I practice what I preach! I take care of myself so that I can reduce my stress prevent burnout and give to others. Here is one way I do that.

This last week I spent 4 days at a juice fast and spiritual retreat at the PeaceWeavers on Thunder Mountain in Bath NY. Yes, fasting is taking care of yourself.! This is my second time fasting and both times I was suprised that is was not as difficult as I thought it would be. Homemade fresh veg and fruit juice and a fantastic broth are very sustaining . Thanks to Stephanie who is a great Vegan cook! Althought I am not a vegan, I am moving into vegetarianism. Mostly I am doing this for my health, as I need to loss weight and have cardiac problems. So this is a true way to take care of myself and keep me on the road to physicial health. It also is part of a spiritual honoring of the body.

Mental and spiritual health are hard to separate for me. To be mentally healthy one must know oneself and to me this is the ultimate means to find spirit (whether you call this God or not doesn’t matter) Getting beyond everyday worries, accepting what you cant change, loving yourself, letting yourself be loved, and loving others is in my mind the key to mental and spiritual health.

The physical and spiritual practices ( hard to separate these and there is really no need to) that help obtain this level of health are yoga, exercise meditation, sharing, body brushing, being in nature, being around those who are seeking the same thing, and more. PeaceWeavers also use the native american tradition of Sweat Lodge which I find a very special experience.

I met new friends at PeaceWeavers and reacquainted with old ones. The staff are special people authentic, caring and honest about their own struggles and humanity. I think thats what makes it a special place.

Please consider finding your own special place to help you feel joy, peace and love of self and others. I would love comments!!

Family Crisis: Question & Answer

Dr. Duffy — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 10:18:25 +0000

Dear Dr. Duffy,

My 36 year old sister is the concern of the entire family. She is very reclusive; seldom venturing out of the house where she lives with her aging mother. She does not have a job and hasn’t had one for a long time, 10. She is very anxious about so many things and agonizes over decisions that appear to be minor. Within the last couple of years, we have become aware of her talking (more like mumbling to herself.) It has increased in
frequency and duration. Based on the expression on her face, her body language and the things we can hear, it is very negative self-talk. Lately, she expressed concern that the neighbors can hear and see everything that goes on in their house and that the drapes and blinds should be kept shut. We have strongly suggested counseling but she refuses.

What can we do?

Thank you in advance for any help,

Cathy

Hello Cathy,

Unfortunately this is a common problem with families of mentally ill. My first thought is that your sister in law has a major mental illness. Counseling will not help at this time, and it is not worth pushing her about that. The first thing she needs is medication. Her talking to herself in this way indicates she is probably hearing voices (auditory hallucinations.) Her paranoia is also a symptom of psychosis (out of touch with reality)

The best advice I can give you is talk to her primary care physician. They are often the first step into the mental health system, or perhaps he/she can treat her himself. Primary care physicians are often willing to start patients on anti-psychotic medications which may clear the symptoms and make your sister in law more open to other treatments. Patients are often more willing to see medical doctors and listen to their advice.

If this does not work the only other thing to do is force treatment. This can only be done in a CRISIS: that is when she does something that is dangerous to herself or others. When such a crisis occurs (and it most likely will) DO NOT HESITATE to bring her to the hospital emergency room. A hospital with a psychiatric inpatient unit is best. If she refuses to go the police can make what they call a mental hygiene arrest and take her to the hospital. Too many families are hesitant to do this but it is really the best way to get help for a seriously ill person. Ignoring it will usually make matters worse and harder to treat. Your sister in law may be angry at first but usually this resolves as she gets better. Good luck.

Dr. Duffy

Anxious or Worried? Do Something!

Dr. Duffy — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 07:50:59 +0000

When you are worried to reduce anxiety it helps to take charge as best as you can. This may be hard for some personality types, but any small step will do. The action is not expected to solve the problem, but is meant to help you feel that you are doing something and have some control over the situation (Which in most cases you really do.) Remember it is the helpless feeling and anticipation of problems that cause so much discomfort. Actions may be as simple as reading up on a topic, being prepared etc.

Here are some ideas for specific situations.

Making a phone call you dread—- Rehearse use a notecard with hints or actual dialog.
Dealing with an illness—– Read about it, learn what you can. Formulate questions to ask the doctor. Consider holistic self-help treatments.
State of the world worries—–Join a cause, sign a petition, develop a small personal step that would change the world / situation if everyone did it.

Hey Guys: Ideas on What to Say at a Wedding

Dr. Duffy — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 16:48:07 +0000

Ideas for Gentlemen on what to say to a Bride and Groom

When you go to a wedding the bride and groom get many awkward “good lucks” and “congratulations.” You can stick with that or consider something different. Choose what fits with your style and the style of the bride or groom. Memorize a line you like or make up one of your own and use it the next time you greet a happy couple.

What to say to the Bride

• What a lovely ceremony !

• You make a perfect couple.

• You two were made for each other.

• Have a lifetime of fun and love.

• Enjoy each other.

• I wish you both peace and prosperity.

• May you have contentment and joy.

• Let your couples light shine.

• May you grow and succeed together.

What to say to the Groom

• Way to go guy!

• A great ceremony!

• You make your friends proud.

• You two look great together.

• Sexy suit!

• You’re the man!

• Have years of fun together.

• Married men are happier and live longer.

• Take care of one another.

I would love your ideas about what to say please send them on as

comments so we can add to this list!

Milk & Cookies Help Sleep

Dr. Duffy — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:16:50 +0000

The tradition of milk and cookies before bed is based in fact (as
many of our traditons are) L-Tryptophan which is found in milk can
help you go to sleep. Add a carbohydrate and it works even better!

Here are some foods with L Tryptophan that make good bedtime
snacks. Turkey (put it on whole wheat bread), bananas (with small
bowl of wholewheat cereal), dates. Add dates to oatmeal which has
both carbohydrates and Gaba which also helps to calm you.

Good Night

Relaxation! Easier Said Then Done

Dr. Duffy — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 09:17:04 +0000

Many people have difficulty with relaxation and meditation.

In our society we tend to be thinking all the time. Trying to clear
ourminds down by “not thinking” is really impossible for us. This is
why so many people are more successful in doing relaxation by
listening to a recording where someone is talking and repeating
phrases or words over and over in our minds. As you may notice if
you try to do thisusing just music or sounds it is often not
enough, our minds can overthink these! There is however another
relaxation method that is often overlooked.

Movement relaxation

Movement relaxation is usually associated with Yoga or Tai Chi, and
these are wonderful practices. However we may not have these easily
available
to us, unless we sign up for a class or instruction. This takes
committment, time and money. Anyone who has tried to do Yoga from a
video knows how difficult that can be unless you are experienced,
and then you usually do not need it .

Movement Relaxation actually uses our thoughts to relax. It is
often referred to as mindfulness. Mindfullness is concentration on
whatever it is you are doing. Mindful activity is a great habit to
cultivate and can be done with any simple physical activity such as
walking. In order to be mindful you must pay close attention to
your steps and bodily movements. You are walking and
watching yourself. Thoughts are something like, move my foot, put
my foot down,whatever the part of the movement you are doing. This
will keep your active mind concentrated on a simple act and not
allow intrusion by unrelated thoughts. You can walk slowly in a
circle, you can use a labrinth but don’t really need it. Try it at
home.

You can be mindful in all your activities, that is pay
attention to the minute details of what you are engaged in. I like
doing it while washing the dishes, feel the warm water, hear the
sounds, make deliberate movements etc. Not only does it relax me it
gets the dishes done.

Coping With Todays Stress, How Do You Do It?

Dr. Duffy — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 06:50:07 +0000

Did you know that we all have a favorite coping style, the one we
use almost automatically (unconsciously) when we face a stressor.
The four major styles are:

Aggressive —– Trying to fix it.
Regressive—— Looking for help from someone else
Repressive—— Pushing it out of our consciousness
Withdrawal—— Removing ourselves (can be physical or psychological)

What is your most comfortable style? Do you know what the pros and
cons of each type are? Actually they all have advantages that are
dependent on the type of stressor you are dealing with.

Check out my blog for lots more about coping that will give you
insight into behavior.(yours and others)
www.PsychSense.com

Improve Your Mood: Avoid Depression

Dr. Duffy — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 02:41:35 +0000

I can’t emphasize enough the value of taking Fish Oil. (Your mother (grandmother) was right about cod liver oil !) Research has shown 2000-3000 mg a day to be AS effective asantidepressants for treating depression. Take 1500 twice a day, go up to 4000 mg a day if needed. If you have any stomach distress (not many people do) you can try Flax Seed oil. Besides being terrific for mood, it is great for your heart, your skin and joints! As always with supplements don’t buy them at a dollar store, stick with a name brand. You will also get the same benefit from eating oily fish threetimes a week (Sardines, Salmon, Trout, Mackerel, Fresh Tuna, Anchovies, Orange Roughy).

Laughter is Healing So in that Vein…..

Here is a joke deemed to be the worlds funniest in a study by a
psychiatrist from England Dr Richard Wiesman. What do you think?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He
doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy
whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: “My
friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I
can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence,
then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now
what?”

Abusive Relationships

Dr. Duffy — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 00:04:05 +0000

Question and Answers

Question

Dear Dr. Duffy,

I’m 30 years old and I have serious problem, I went to few therapists but all in vain.

I was 17 years old when I met a boy. 1st we were very good friends

but then at age of 19 he went to another country with his family. When we

were apart we felt that we can’t live without each other.

We used to communicate a lot. Specifically I use to tell him each and

every bit of my daily routine. But as u know long distance relations

don’t work well. While there he had a son out of wedlock.

Anyhow after this he returned to me and told me that it was his

mistake. Things started to get back normal. but whenever I asked

him to marry me he always refused.

When we were 27 he had another son. Now, he and his family love this kid a lot.

I talked to him again but he and his mother advised me to move on

with my life.

Now I’m 30, and my problem is that I loved him with a true heart. I

don’t care what he had done back there. Once there was time when he

couldn’t breath without me and now he even don’t talk.

I’m so much into him that I can’t stop thinking about him, I think

and miss him around the clock. Ive tried my level best to forget him

but…

Now its my age to get married but I can’t find anyone. Moreover I

feel that I’m not going to be happy without him.

Because of him I started hating myself and things around me because we

use to share everything.

I hate babies, pregnant women, now because of him I believe everyone is

having affairs with other’s wife and much more. I hate love now.

I want to forget and forgive him but I miss him much. I can’t

explain u what I feel.

He’s such a big playboy he doesn’t care

about love, relations, emotions. But In the past he was good to me.

His family would be happy if I was their daughter-in-law.

I don’t understand how he use to care and wanted me badly

but now he rejects me. I’ve asked him many times but he says I

just don’t want to marry. But if he don’t want to get married then

why he now in a relationshipwith someone else.

I feel rejected, disgraced and like nobody now.

I want to move on but I’m scared and moreover there’s no one to hold my hand.

Please help me, these things are hurting me mentally.

Whatever he ever did he used to come back to me again but now when I

want him for the rest of my life he has rejected me.

Mary,

Answer

Dear Mary

It sounds as if you are addicted to an abusing man. His behavior has

consistently told you he does not value you and will continue to hurt

you. You have been in this relationship for a long time and it will

not be easy to leave. You will need help and support to do this.

Part of the problem is often that the women becomes so isolated and

ashamed(no family, no friends) that her only connection to life is

this man. They are often secretive about what is happening to them.

The longer you stay the harder it is to leave.

You need support and help.

Sometimes therapists can help but my experience is the best thing is

often to join a group of women who have been abused. This can be a

lifeline and a source of information and support. You also need

friends you can trust. This service is also usually free. I suggest

you find a local place that helps abused women.

Here is a website that is a good place to look for information and help.

I wish you the best, you are important and deserve to be treated

better. There is LIFE after an abusive relationship

All the best,