Abusive Relationships

July 2, 2010 Crises, Questions and Answers, Women's Interest No Comments

Question and Answers

Question

Dear Dr. Duffy,

I’m 30 years old and I have serious problem, I went to few therapists but all in vain.

I was 17 years old when I met a boy. 1st we were very good friends

but then at age of 19 he went to another country with his family. When we

were apart we felt that we can’t live without each other.

We used to communicate a lot. Specifically I use to tell him each and

every bit of my daily routine. But as u know long distance relations

don’t work well. While there he had a son out of wedlock.

Anyhow after this he returned to me and told me that it was his

mistake. Things started to get back normal. but whenever I asked

him to marry me he always refused.

When we were 27 he had another son. Now, he and his family love this kid a lot.

I talked to him again but he and his mother advised me to move on

with my life.

Now I’m 30, and my problem is that I loved him with a true heart. I

don’t care what he had done back there. Once there was time when he

couldn’t breath without me and now he even don’t talk.

I’m so much into him that I can’t stop thinking about him, I think

and miss him around the clock. Ive tried my level best to forget him

but…

Now its my age to get married but I can’t find anyone. Moreover I

feel that I’m not going to be happy without him.

Because of him I started hating myself and things around me because we

use to share everything.

I hate babies, pregnant women, now because of him I believe everyone is

having affairs with other’s wife and much more. I hate love now.

I want to forget and forgive him but I miss him much. I can’t

explain u what I feel.

He’s such a big playboy he doesn’t care

about love, relations, emotions. But In the past he was good to me.

His family would be happy if I was their daughter-in-law.

I don’t understand how he use to care and wanted me badly

but now he rejects me. I’ve asked him many times but he says I

just don’t want to marry. But if he don’t want to get married then

why he now in a relationshipwith someone else.

I feel rejected, disgraced and like nobody now.

I want to move on but I’m scared and moreover there’s no one to hold my hand.

Please help me, these things are hurting me mentally.

Whatever he ever did he used to come back to me again but now when I

want him for the rest of my life he has rejected me.

Mary,

Answer

Dear Mary

It sounds as if you are addicted to an abusing man. His behavior has

consistently told you he does not value you and will continue to hurt

you. You have been in this relationship for a long time and it will

not be easy to leave. You will need help and support to do this.

Part of the problem is often that the women becomes so isolated and

ashamed(no family, no friends) that her only connection to life is

this man. They are often secretive about what is happening to them.

The longer you stay the harder it is to leave.

You need support and help.

Sometimes therapists can help but my experience is the best thing is

often to join a group of women who have been abused. This can be a

lifeline and a source of information and support. You also need

friends you can trust. This service is also usually free. I suggest

you find a local place that helps abused women.

Here is a website that is a good place to look for information and help.

I wish you the best, you are important and deserve to be treated

better. There is LIFE after an abusive relationship

All the best,

Dr. Duffy

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Sex Safely How to Put on a Condom

June 18, 2010 Miscellaneous, Sexuality, Women's Interest No Comments

Meet two students from Kenya Africa who work in the community for HIV education. Frank on the left attends the University of Nairobi, and Phillip is in Moi University. They are both studying social and community work.They do a great job demonstrating how to use a condom in detail.(with a banana in costaring role)

Click Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbUud6VuSWI

Permanent link to this post (58 words, estimated 14 secs reading time)

Lets Really Get Green For St. Patricks Day

March 10, 2010 Miscellaneous, Women's Interest, current topics/ opinions No Comments

970154_clover

Happy St. Patricks Day

Here are some ideas to help us go green and save money too!

Recycle gray water, water gardens plants, flush toilets etc.
Use scraps for fertilizer (not meat or dairy) Banana peels are great. Just throw them under your bushes.
Save scraps of soap to put in a mesh bag, makes a great skin scrubber.
Buy a filter for your tap water, bottled water is expensive and so much plastic. If you need to you can use chlorine to purify water. (8-16 gtts per gallon)

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Coping With Valentines Day if You are Alone

February 6, 2010 Coping, Women's Interest No Comments

Valentines Day is one of the worst days of the year if you are wanting a relationship but are without one.

Bah Humbug you think, but thats not what you feel. So what can you do to feel better?

Here are 10 Ideas to Help you get Through the Day.

Stay up the night before and work then you can sleep the following day away.

Go to a movie about bad relationships. (How about fatal attraction).

Spend time with a couple who is always bickering. Go sit in divorce court for the day.

This is a preview of Coping With Valentines Day if You are Alone. Read the full post (166 words, estimated 40 secs reading time)

Another Mother’s Day: Getting Older, Don’t Panic !

May 9, 2009 Miscellaneous, Women's Interest 1 Comment

Every holiday (but none I think as clearly as mother’s day) reminds us that another year has passed and how time flies!

Perhaps it because the kids ‘grow so fast” and seem so much older. Then you realize how old that makes you! There is no need to fret about the passing of the years I have some good news!

This is a preview of Another Mother’s Day: Getting Older, Don’t Panic !. Read the full post (248 words, 1 image, estimated 60 secs reading time)

Spring Rejuvenation For Your Stressed Self

April 14, 2009 Stress, Women's Interest No Comments

Crabapple Tree

I needed some personal spring rejuvenation this week. I spent time taking care of myself and I thought I would share these reminders with other women:

Reminded myself for the umpteenth time to take care of myself, it will make me more able to help others and feel less taken advantage of.
I said lots of “no’s” this week, actually cancelled 2 engagements (boy did that feel good). Spent some very restful time alone.
I napped often

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Women Have Sex on The Brain: Sexuality & Your Mind

March 8, 2009 Miscellaneous, Sexuality, Women's Interest No Comments

Image by Damien King

More than 40 percent of women ages 18-59 experience sexual dysfunction, with lack of sexual interest the most common. A study from Stanford University tried to answer the question:

“What role does the brain play in some women’s lack of sexual desire?”

This research is important because most previous studies have looked at men and the body rather then women and the mind.

In this study 36 women (half with arousal dysfunction) were shown both erotic video segments and women’s sporting events. In between these clips, they were shown calm scenes such as flowers, mountains or ocean waves. The purpose of this was to give the brain a rest between exotic and active videos.

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Women: Ask For What You Want! A Question From a Reader

February 19, 2009 Questions and Answers, Women's Interest No Comments

Hi Dr. Duffy,

I read your bah humbug blog about Valentines Day and must admit that if I were single, I’d definitely do a few of those!!
But I am not single and my husband of almost 40 years forgot last year to get me anything and said “it’s just another day. what about me?” this year he has been ill and not able to get out but I still feel he could do SOMETHING, like maybe just tell me something extra nice.�
Anyway, any ideas on how to soothe myself about this?

Thanks,

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Relationship & Alcohol Question

September 17, 2008 Depression, Questions and Answers, Substance Abuse, Women's Interest 3 Comments

Question From A reader

Dear Dr Duffy,

Where do I begin? First, a little background: I am a 23 year-old female. I have been married for 4 years to a man that is 20 years older than I. We have had two children age 3 and a newborn. We plan to have more children. They are a wonderful family.

For several years I have felt frustrated and disappointed with life, although I realize that I am extremely fortunate and very blessed. There is an emptiness inside that seems to echo louder with time and yet I cannot put a finger on what is eating away at me.

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Love Crisis? BoyFriend Threatens Suicide to Keep Her!

June 28, 2008 Crises, Questions and Answers, Women's Interest 2 Comments

Question and Answer Post

From a Reader named “Mary”

Please help me! I have been in a relationship with my live in boyfriend about 3 yrs. He is like having another child around. He does not help with things and expects me to take care of everything. He has a bad temper and although he has never hit me when he gets angry he breaks things. I want to end this relationship but when I tell him that he says he can’t live without me and will kill himself if I go. I’m scared! I don’t know what to do. I cry all the time and can’t sleep well at night.

This is a preview of Love Crisis? BoyFriend Threatens Suicide to Keep Her!. Read the full post (1021 words, 1 image, estimated 4:05 mins reading time)

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