Why are people so surprised about the high rate of suicide in the military? When are we going to wake up? Denial is so rampant in this country; few will face the fact that our culture of war, aggression and greed leaves most of us (except those who benefit from it at the cost of everyone else) feeling hopeless, angry and even suicidal. Our superficiality, unrealistic expectations and denial (disguised as optimism) result in total shock and even suicide when the real world hits us. We should all visit some 3rd world countries to see how most of the world lives. Maybe then we would stop living in a bubble of our own making. I love America; we are a great country, with even greater potential. If only we could use our energy and resources to really help others and ourselves in different ways we would truly be great.

Have a special day, do something kind for someone else and something terrific (and free) for yourself.

 I was thinking about this and wondering why this was so much worse then in the past. What I thought might be a contributing factor is the new military policy of extending duty time at will. This is very hard on soldiers or anyone for that matter. As we all know, you can live through almost anything when there is an end in site. However, when the end time is unsure, or can get extended or put off at any time for unknown reasons, those affected feel out of control, helpless and hopeless.

 Helplessness, hopelessness (having no belief that things will get better) are major factors in depression and potential suicide. Hope for the future and change for the better is what keeps us holding on through bad times! I believe these factors may also influence suicide bombers who have no expectation for anything better on this earth, thus make their decision to die in hopes of something better on the other side.  

 So the question becomes, how do we keep up hope in a world that makes this difficult?

 Here are some of my ideas about activities and thoughts that may help ward off hopelessness. Please send your ideas to help expand the list.

•  Avoid hopeless situations, books, movies, people etc.
•  Try to surround yourself with upbeat (but realistic) hopeful people and thing.
• Expose yourself to positive TV shows, movies etc. Go see a good comedy or read a hopeful book.
• Avoid newspapers and news for a while. It’s ok not to watch the news daily.
• Stop thinking so much! We tend to try to solve problems in our heads even those with no solutions.
  Rumination is the experience of going over and over situations or thought in our head. This is a useless exercise and does not help anything. Try some meditation or other thought stopping techniques. 
• Eat some comfort foods, putter in the kitchen make a healthy heartwarming soup.
• Spend time with friends who are uplifting, don’t spend a lot of money arrange a weekly potluck, card or game night.
•  Avoid people who are depressing or negative, some people seem to make themselves feel better by bring others down.
•  Do not allow yourself to constantly talk of hopeless things.
•  Expose yourself to the sun, or sunlamps if necessary.
•  Take 3000 mg of fish oil a day.
• Work on some small, sure to be successful, fun projects to donate or give away.
• Sit by a fire.
• Visit a museum.
• Spend time with children, if you don’t have any offer free babysitting to someone who needs it. 
• Help someone else. 
• Do volunteer work. 
• Do not do, read or watch scary things. 
• Take short walks often. 
• Avoid TV 
• Read a fabulous (not deep or sad) book.
•  Read magazines or short stories. 
• Visit a church.
• Go to library.
• Shop at a thrift store.
•  Experience nature. 
• Listen to calm uplifting music; try some relaxation tapes. (Check out my site for a sampler of relaxation techniques) 
• Work with an eye on what needs to be done today, let the future take care of itself. 
• Keep goals short term. 
• Keep self-expectations reasonable.
•  Keep expectations of others reasonable. 
• Sing, hum, dance, skip, ride a bike (do exercise that does not feel like exercise). 
• Get a Massage, if you can afford it trade back rubs with a friend (not at the same time). 
• Stop thinking so much. 
• Do not start new intimate relationships at this time. 
• Cultivate old faithful friends.
• Avoid overly sweet, silly, Pollyanna-ish, insincere people, places and things. 
• Its ok to be avoidant sometimes. 
• Take care of pennies dollars will take care of themselves.
• Remember constant worry does not help and makes you feel worse. 
• Put up pictures of nature, loved ones animals.
• Be social but cultivate solitude also.
• Place some upbeat sayings and posters where you can easily see them. 

Send me your upbeat sayings and I will post mine later.

 Recently a teenage boy who jumped out of a dorm window while drunk left a local college campus and community deeply shaken. He will probably be paralyzed for the rest of his life.  After hearing about this I read a distressing study about teenage self-destructive behavior. The Child and Adolescent Self harm Study From Europe (Brunel University September 4, 2008) reveals more disturbing data about teenagers and cutting.

1.    One out of four cases is not reported and 25% had not told anyone else. How many do we not know about?

2.    Alcohol is a factor in one out of five cases, drugs in one out of eight cases.

3.    Six in ten self-harmers talk of suicide.

4.    Thoughts of self-harm are said to occur in 6 out of every 10 teenage girls and 1 in 10 boys.

5.    59% of these teenagers said they wanted to die.

How To Help

 Recognize those at risk

1.    Those with family history of suicide or self injury or risky behaviors

2.    Those who have been sexually, physically or emotionally abused.

3.   Those who are self critical, with low self esteem, depression anxiety, substance abuse problems and  eating disorders.

 4.    Teenagers who are impulsive with few problem-solving skills are at higher risk.  

 Prevention Involves Teachers, Families, Friends And Other Social Supports

1.  Teach coping skills in school and at home
2.  Encourage healthy social networks.
3.  Educate teenagers and adults about the problem.
4.  Promote programs to help teenagers develop healthy friendships and decrease secrecy.
5. Do not expect more from teenagers then they can do. Remember they are not always sufficiently mature enough to make high level decisions that require recognition of long term consequences.

 References:

Mayo Clinic Website: Self-injury

 Science Daily: September 7, 2008

There is a long complicated article in the NY Times today about suicide and impulsivity that is worth a read (if you can manage it.)

“Suicide autopsy” studies can give us lots of information, but no one really knows what goes through the head of a person just before he or she dies from suicide, it may be regret as suggested by one person interviewed by the author.

There are a few comments I would like to make about the article and suicide in general that are based on my own years of experience, and thoughts. If you can’t get through the article hopefully they will still make some sense to you.

In terms of the debate about impulsivity vs planned suicide; I believe that there is always an impulsive piece of suicide. People may have a long complicated plan in their head “just in case”, but it takes a trigger to finally push them over the edge. I wonder if sometimes this can be just the opportunity as well as it be the “last straw” type event. It is not an either/or choice.

One study indicated that victims of what look like highly impulsive methods of suicide (bridge, gun) often “display few of the classic warning signs associated with suicidal behavior” ” …jumpers have a lower history of prior suicide attempts, diagnosed mental illness…” It seems to me that these persons may have not been treated or recognized as being depressed which may put them at high risk.

Also the person who is most determined to kill them self may be less likely to let others know, due to not wanting intervention. Use of an almost guaranteed to succeed method, does not seem to me to be a sure sign of impulsivity.  Some people have been planning for a while and have chosen the method they believe least likely to fail, thus the use of a gun or a bridge.

I will never forget a man I saw years ago, who had given away all his possessions. He denied suicide, did not look in the least depressed, and had no psychiatric history. I would never have thought him to be suicidal.  If it hadn’t been for a family member who was very worried about his “generosity” with lack of explanation and forced an evaluation, I have no doubt this man would have killed himself. (He later admitted his intention).

Suicide is another one of those things we will never have all the answers for. There are many different motives and types of suicide: some with depression, some with psychotic thinking where voices are telling them to kill themselves, some with existential pain, some with physical pain, some with end of life issues. Some are carefully planned while others are impulsive. It is my belief that most have components of both.

Are we trying to categorize and understand something that may not fit into a neat clean framework? Our frantic efforts to figure things out are often attempts to control something we fear.

We certainly can help to prevent suicide, and we should keep learning, but we also need to acknowledge that there are some things we may never understand completely, and may never be able to control. Life and death are not so neatly black and white.

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