Happy Holidays

I was being silly here mostly because I was with a friend who has 5 year old twins.  Kids can always put me in the holiday spirit and make the world seem better.  If you are not feeling so jolly its ok,  you are not alone!

Here are two references that  might help you

The first is a professional article that offers scientific evidence for alternative and complementary treatments for depression.

Below you will find my answer to a question about holiday blues.

Hope you find something helpful here.

Question: I often get down during the holidays, why is this, what can I do.

It is not uncommon for people to feel sad during holiday time. This can be a result of not having a “picture perfect” family, unrealistic expectations of what a holiday should be, or memories of holidays gone by (often glorified in the memory).
To avoid this:
1. Do not build up the Holidays in your mind,  keep expectations to a minimum.
2. Keep it simple
3. Start a new and different tradition (go out to eat, go away for the day)
4. Avoid reading all those Holiday Magazines!
5. Avoid shopping, try online or catalogs
6. Only spend time with those you really want to.
7. Get outside, and move!
8. Help someone else.

9. Focus on your spiritual side

Seasonal affect disorder is different than Holiday blues and may need treatment.

Remember to take care of yourself.  You MUST squeeze out a little time each day for yourself!  Find a fabulous book or magazine you love, take a bubble bath, watch a movie,  just be alone for a while.

According to a great article in the NY times,  “If you have the awful sensation that your body’s stress response has taken on a self-replicating and ultimately self-defeating life of its own, congratulations. You are very perceptive. It has.”

This article needs concentration when trying to understand it, but it well worth it. It explains how your stressed brain tends to be susceptible  to further stress due to its’ own reaction.  But the good news is that is also assures you that the brains reaction to stress can be reduced.  It is worth more then a casual read and also development of a plan to decrease your own stress response.

This is  similar to the theory of “Kindling”  that we use in Psychiatry.  It basically says  that stress effects your brain in such a way that it makes it more easily effected by additional stressors.   LEARN TO BREAK THE CYCLE!

Are your worries overrunning the good stuff in your life?

Learn life lessons from your cat. Learn to ignore little things and keep them  from taking over your life

Little problems & concerns that often get blown out of proportion:

• Unfair criticism
• Doing the lion’s share of work
• Worry, worry, worry about things you can’t control
• Feeling misunderstood
• Feeling unappreciated
• Unable to change things

Lighten Up

• Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair
• Don’t make things a big deal of things that aren’t
• Life is a test where failure is impossible.  
• Life’s challenges offer opportunity to grow (really)
• Ask yourself what do I need to learn here?
• Learn to listen to your inner intuitive self
• Make Melodrama  mellow
• Learn to be flexible with change
• Give yourself a break, avoid negative self talk
• Remind yourself of your strengths & successes.
• Distract yourself
• Have a friend help you look realistically at the situation
• As Scarlett Ohara said “tomorrow is another day”

Crabapple Tree

I needed some personal spring rejuvenation this week. I spent time taking care of myself and I thought I would share these reminders with other women:

•   Reminded myself for the umpteenth time to take care of myself, it will make me more able to help others and feel less taken advantage of.
•   I said lots of “no’s” this week, actually cancelled 2 engagements (boy did that feel good).  Spent some very restful time alone. 
• I napped often
•  Took  care of others when I  wanted to, not because it was expected.  This resulted in feeling  more genuine and less exhausted.
• Had an opportunity to blow my own horn and took it.
•  Reminded myself that helping people help themselves is the best thing you can do for them. Making them dependent on you is poison. 
• I need to keep working on learning to take care of myself first. This is a lifelong process that easily seems to get lost.
    

 Learn more techniques for self care in specific situations in Behavioral First Aid: Managing Emotions During Emergencies.

   Buried at Work? 

Ø      Rigid rules and “by the book” approaches

Ø      Dehumanizing clients

Ø      Anger and emotional outbursts

Ø      Increasingly cynical attitudes

Ø      Boredom

Ø      Stress from work interfering in social and family relationship

Ø      Physical symptoms of stress such as headaches sleep disturbance and tiredness.

Some important reminders to prevent burnout:

 Ø      Take care of you, it will relieve some of your stress and allow you to better deal with others

Ø      Learn and use self-empathy and self-nurturing techniques

Ø      Try understanding and treating yourself with care

Ø      Allow yourself to say no, offer alternatives, or even avoid situations if you feel unable to say no

Ø      Increase your self-awareness

Ø      Plan for a routine to help ease the transition from work to home. (Do not use alcohol to unwind)

Ø      Do not expect all your feelings of self-esteem to come from your profession.

Ø      Develop outside interests that have nothing to do with your work.

Ø      Try to avoid over-identification with clients

Ø      Recognize and allow your own feelings

Ø      Develop relationships outside of work where you can talk about your feelings

Ø      Practice stress reduction techniques (exercise, relaxation, meditation, distraction)

Ø      Plan for regular breaks, conferences, and vacations

Ø      Talk with colleagues to not only complain, but also to also make plans for burnout prevention, take charge where you can

Ø      Know when to say “enough”, consider transfer if necessary

Burnout can and must be prevented. Recognition of your own level of stress and taking care of yourself are the keys to stress reduction and burnout prevention.  

Burnout can also have an unexpected positive influence in your life; it can act as a catalyst to make a much-needed change. It can be the impetus to move on to different more rewarding careers. Many entrepreneurs started off as burned out employees.

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Research has shown those who are pessimistic have a higher risk of dying young.

Those who are more optimistic have better health, and better immune systems. Although pessimism may not be easy to change, you can tone it down with practice. No one expects or wants you to be a Pollyanna, trying to keep a positive attitude does not mean to tell yourself everything will be ok when you know it won’t.

It does not mean you bury your head in the sand! Rather, it is important to try to decrease negative thoughts and unnecessary pessimism. When you find yourself having such thoughts you must say, “stop” and force yourself to recognize other more positive possible outcomes. When I am upset over a situation I often ask myself “what is the worse that can happen here”. Many times you will realize that you can deal with even the worst.

Don’t blame yourself when things go wrong. Pessimists think all bad things will last forever and good ones will be gone soon. Optimists think the opposite. Optimists tend to use active coping skills, such as those discussed above.

When I find myself angry at the world due to contact with some despicable person, I remind myself about all the good people in the world. Stay away from the nay Sayers and those who are too narcissistic to think of anyone else but themselves.

Express your emotional reactions honestly so you can effectively deal with what’s bothering you.

Laugh more: Did you know that children laugh about 400 times a day, but adults only about 25 times. Instead of bristling at life’s annoyances, try to view them as amusing. Look for humor in difficult circumstances. Try to avoid sarcasm, jibes or laughter at others expense. Laughing at yourself (especially your pessimism) is great too. Laughter is truly good medicine. Laughing at yourself is especially good for you!

We all know that a stress-filled existence is responsible for nail biting and dark circles under the eyes. But we may not realize the heavy toll it can extract from our bank account. Chronic stress, the kind you experience when the demands of life exceed your ability to cope, increases your risk of developing ailments ranging from the common cold and gum disease to obesity and heart diseases. This, in turn, will cause you to pay more for medical treatments, insurance and dental work. If you need more incentive to do something about your stressful lifestyle, consider these potential costs:

• Pills�

  The list of symptoms linked to stress is long: headache, back pain, insomnia and heartburn are major ones. The lineup of nonprescription drugs used to treat these ailments can easily run several hundred dollars annually.

• Bills
  
  While health-care costs for an average adult run about $2,800. Annually, one who suffers from sever stress can easily rack up twice this amount, according to a recent survey by benefits provider Hewitt Associates. Part of the reason is that stress weakens the immune system, which can worsen chronic conditions such as arthritis, asthma and lupus. Stressed workers are also more prone to job-related injuries.
• Higher Premiums�

  High levels of stress hormones are commonly linked to weight gain, which in turn raises your risk of heart disease, stroke and Type 2 diabetes. Loose some excess pounds and you could get lower life insurance premium, upwards to 50% or more.

• Costlier Dental Problems�

  Stress also increases the risk of gum disease. Teeth grinding and eating sugary foods lead to cavities and gradual tooth enamel erosion.

• Missed Career Opportunities
  
  In the same survey by Hewitt Associates, half of all workers who call in sick do so because of a stress-related illness. Workers suffering from severe stress are away from their desks an average of 23 working days, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. All of these missed meetings and blown deadlines can wreak havoc on your career, resulting in tens of thousands of dollars off what you might earn over your employment lifetime.

  What to do?

There is some good news: reducing stress can be as simple and inexpensive as stretching out on the sofa and breathing deeply for 10 minutes. Daily exercise is another powerful weapon. While breaking a sweat with weights  is ideal, just taking a walk around the block will help. Nutrition-wise, cut back on coffee and other caffeine-containing beverages, as this aggravates the symptoms of chronic stress. Refrain from alcohol and smoking. Doing this will not only have immediate financial savings in the short-run, but even greater benefits on your quality of life over the long-run.

Check out my blog for more stress reduction techniques.

Did you know that there are at at least four major relaxation techniques to reduce stress. Most people have a particular favorite. I often think that when people tell me they have not had success with relaxation techniques it is because they have not found the one that is right for them! We all respond differently to suggestion.

I personally have tried all 4 before I decided which one is best for me. Let me tell you about them.

First they all begin with getting in a comfortable quiet position and paying attention to your breathing. After that you may choose from one of the following types. Some people use recordings to help them, others just do it in with their imaginations.

• Progressive relaxation

With this relaxation technique you start at the top of your head and tense and relax your muscle groups, one group at a time. For instance start with your scalp, tense tightly and hold for a few sessions, and then let go and relax. You do this moving down you body working with each muscle group. A lot of people like this because it is more active. It is not my favorite.

• Meditation

There are a number of different types of meditation. TM (transcendental meditation) is a popular one. In TM, you use a personal “mantra”.  This type of meditation can be done by picking a word known only you. You concentrate on this word saying it over and over in their mind. The word you pick really doesn’t matter. Pick a word that has special meaning for you.

• Autogenic Training

This is repeated concentration and suggestions of sensations of heaviness and warmth in the body. Like progressive relaxation you focus on one section of the body at a time and think of it and feel it as heavy and warm. You do this over you entire body. I enjoy this type of relaxation technique.

• Visualization

This is my favorite and there are many different forms of this. I like to use a CD as I don’t have a great imagination. You can do this yourself by concentrating on a favorite place, the sounds, the smells the view etc. There are some great recorded ones that will take you on a journey in your mind. You can find them to all your favorite places, the forest, the beach the mountains.

Try them all and see what works best for you. I am making an MP3 recording with general instructions and 5 minute examples of each for only $4.99. This is a great way of tasting all of the types without spending $15.00 on each CD. This is coming soon, get on my opt in list so you will be notified as soon as it is available.

Helping Professionals Especially Women, Must Learn to Take Care of Themselves.

This is much easier to say then do! Although there are more men in the helping professions today, in nursing and social work the vast majority are still women.

Womens’ Sense of self is Often One of Caretaker and Nurturer, and Society Enforces This View.

Nurturing and care taking have long been associated with women in general, and nurses and social workers in particular. Empathy is a mainstay of the helping professions, particularly the “women’s professions” such as nursing and social work. Nurturance has historically been intertwined with, and seen as a major function of nursing. Nursing has been called the “practice of professional nurturing”.

Who Comes First You or Me?

When a woman must choose between caring for herself and caring for another, social pressure fosters the choice of nurturing of others. Women often experiences conflict when faced with what may seem like the continual choice of caring for others or caring for themselves. It is not unusual for women to have difficulty saying no or setting limits, thus ending up doing more than they really want to. Women frequently nurture everyone but themselves and end up feeling conflicted, unappreciated, resentful, and burned out. Women already struggle with these issues, but this is much worse for those in the professional role of nurturer/helper.

Some Important Reminders for Women in the Helping Professions

• Take care of yourself, it will relieve some of your stress and allow you to better take care of others
• Learn and use self-empathy and self-nurturing techniques.
• Try understanding and treating yourself with the same care you give your patients or clients.
• Allow yourself to say no, offer alternatives, or even avoid situations if you feel unable to say no.
• Increase your self-awareness
• Plan for a routine to help ease the transition from work to home. (Do not use alcohol to unwind)
• Do not expect all your feelings of self-esteem to come from your profession or your nurturing.
• Develop outside interests that have nothing to do with helping others!
• Try to avoid over-identification with patients.
• Recognize and allow your own feelings
• Develop relationships outside of work where you can talk about your feelings.
• Practice stress reduction techniques (exercise, relaxation, meditation, distraction)
• Plan for regular breaks, days off, conferences, and vacations.
• Talk with colleagues to not only complain, but also to also make plans for burnout prevention, take charge where you can.
• Know when to say “enough”, consider transfer or another area of work if necessary.

Burnout Can and Must be Prevented.

Recognition of your own level of stress and self-care are the keys to stress reduction and burnout prevention. When self-care is a priority, helping others can be the rewarding successful career it is meant to be.

Ironically, beginning signs of burnout can have an unexpected positive influence in your life; if you don’t let it go too long. These signs can act as a catalyst for you to make a much-needed change. They can be the impetus to move on to different areas of your profession or even more rewarding careers. Caregivers in search of something more have become entrepreneurs (the writer included). They have developed many ways of working as a helper that allow them more reward both financial and personal, and more control over their careers and their lives.

Take Care of Yourself!

Too many choices can be stressful, even overwhelming and lead to no real choice. Sometimes choices made to assert ourselves can be less then free. Often we believe we need to exercise our “free will” just to prove we have it. Think of the teenager (or adult child !) who does the opposite of what her parent does, even though this may not be what she really wants to do. It appears that a choice that is made just to prove something, is really a restriction on free will.

Many of us don’t realize how overwhelmed we can become with choices. After a hard day at work, with critical and sometime life threatening decisions and choices, I simply can’t decide what to have for dinner, and I don’t, I let somebody else decide.

Read this thought provoking blog about choices, and occasionally let someone else make the choice.