Dear Dr. Duffy,

My 36 year old sister is the concern of the entire family. She is very reclusive; seldom venturing out of the house where she lives with her aging mother. She does not have a job and hasn’t had one for a long time, 10. She is very anxious about so many things and agonizes over decisions that appear to be minor. Within the last couple of years, we have become aware of her talking (more like mumbling to herself.) It has increased in
frequency and duration. Based on the expression on her face, her body language and the things we can hear, it is very negative self-talk. Lately, she expressed concern that the neighbors can hear and see everything that goes on in their house and that the drapes and blinds should be kept shut. We have strongly suggested counseling but she refuses.

Question and Answers

Question

Answer

Helping a loved one who is depressed can be very difficult. Sometimes caregivers feel helpless and unsure of what to say or do. Fear can cause helpers to be overbearing, hovering and treat the depressed person like a child. This is not particularly helpful for either the depressed person or the helper.

Here are some principles to keep in mind when someone you love is depressed.

I have always been thrifty as I grew up in a poor family.  As a professional I used to be somewhat embarrassed at my thriftiness. NO MORE!  I am now personally cutting back even more in my life, downsizing and trying to not WASTE money. It is nice to know I am not alone.  I am sorry for those who are being forced to downsize  due to the economy, but I sense that some of us are enjoying it also. 

The NY Times  this morning reports  that the rising toll of suicides in the military has hit a National Guard unit particularly hard: four soldiers, out of roughly 175 members, have committed suicide.

Question to Dr. Duffy

Dear Dr. Duffy,

• Remember the best predictor of violence is a past history of violence.  We must know a person’s history if we are to evaluate them for violence potential. Today with so much fear about being sued  people are often overly cautious about sharing information with  others.  Remember it is not slander if it is true!

The Suicide rate in US soldiers in Iraq is higher then it’s been in years. According to CNN, every day, five U.S. soldiers try to kill themselves. Before the Iraq war began, that figure was less than one suicide attempt a day.

 I was thinking about this and wondering why this was so much worse then in the past. What I thought might be a contributing factor is the new military policy of extending duty time at will. This is very hard on soldiers or anyone for that matter. As we all know, you can live through almost anything when there is an end in site. However, when the end time is unsure, or can get extended or put off at any time for unknown reasons, those affected feel out of control, helpless and hopeless.

In reflecting on my trip to Kenya I have been thinking of the meaning of  a crisis. As a so called expert, I have written so much about crises during my career, how to prevent them, how to deal with them and what causes them and more.

 Recently a teenage boy who jumped out of a dorm window while drunk left a local college campus and community deeply shaken. He will probably be paralyzed for the rest of his life.  After hearing about this I read a distressing study about teenage self-destructive behavior. The Child and Adolescent Self harm Study From Europe (Brunel University September 4, 2008) reveals more disturbing data about teenagers and cutting.

1.    One out of four cases is not reported and 25% had not told anyone else. How many do we not know about?