Research has shown those who are pessimistic have a higher risk of dying young.

Those who are more optimistic have better health, and better immune systems. Although pessimism may not be easy to change, you can tone it down with practice. No one expects or wants you to be a Pollyanna, trying to keep a positive attitude does not mean to tell yourself everything will be ok when you know it won’t.

It does not mean you bury your head in the sand! Rather, it is important to try to decrease negative thoughts and unnecessary pessimism. When you find yourself having such thoughts you must say, “stop” and force yourself to recognize other more positive possible outcomes. When I am upset over a situation I often ask myself “what is the worse that can happen here”. Many times you will realize that you can deal with even the worst.

Don’t blame yourself when things go wrong. Pessimists think all bad things will last forever and good ones will be gone soon. Optimists think the opposite. Optimists tend to use active coping skills, such as those discussed above.

When I find myself angry at the world due to contact with some despicable person, I remind myself about all the good people in the world. Stay away from the nay Sayers and those who are too narcissistic to think of anyone else but themselves.

Express your emotional reactions honestly so you can effectively deal with what’s bothering you.

Laugh more: Did you know that children laugh about 400 times a day, but adults only about 25 times. Instead of bristling at life’s annoyances, try to view them as amusing. Look for humor in difficult circumstances. Try to avoid sarcasm, jibes or laughter at others expense. Laughing at yourself (especially your pessimism) is great too. Laughter is truly good medicine. Laughing at yourself is especially good for you!

There is a terrific article in the NY Times today that is a must read for everyone who will eventually die (that’s you & me). It talks about the “you must fight” attitude many of us think we should have and expect of other people when they are very ill.  Is this the best for them and us?

The usual statement ” I am going to fight and beat this” is the politically correct thing to do, especially in public. However, many people believe that this is the way we must react to illness; keep a stiff upper lip and fight!  This is what some people (not the writer) think is a positive attitude. The truth is that no one can be strong all the time, especially when your life is threatened. Moments of feeling weak and frightened do not mean you are going to give up. Expectations that are unrealistic make people think: What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be more like him?  I must be weak. I am ashamed of myself. I am feeling sorry for myself.

 The fear and anger that we hold inside eventually will take its toll. It will cost you and those around you. I believe the stress of hiding true feelings will make it more difficult for you to heal. The inability or unwillingness to cry or get mad can be a costly trait.

 We are very death phobic in this country and life at any cost seems to be our mantra.  Don’t get me wrong, many people fight long and hard to live, and survive against all odds. That is right for them. But even these folks have moments of feeling like giving up. That is normal, these moments pass, but the feelings should be acknowledged or they will only become more powerful. Then there are others who perhaps don’t fight as hard to live for lots of reasons; and that is ok too.

 As someone who worked for many years with people who were ill and often dying, I know there are as many ways of dying as of living. But everyone has moments (days, weeks) of fear, sadness, and anger. We do not need to share all of feelings of fear and anger with everyone at all times, but you must allow them. Hopefully  you can share them with someone who will listen.

  When I had my heart attack a few years ago, lying in the ER I thought, “Well this might be it”.  I remember being sad about leaving those I loved. I cried a little. I then turned over and peacefully went to sleep. Well as you can see, I woke up. I had three new 3 stents in my heart and more time. I am trying to enjoy that time to the max and build a legacy to leave when my time does come.

 My thoughts are with Senator Kennedy, Patrick Swayze and all those struggling for life. For them and all of us I say, enjoy live as best you can at the moment and go easy on yourself!

Did you know that there are at at least four major relaxation techniques to reduce stress. Most people have a particular favorite. I often think that when people tell me they have not had success with relaxation techniques it is because they have not found the one that is right for them! We all respond differently to suggestion.

I personally have tried all 4 before I decided which one is best for me. Let me tell you about them.

First they all begin with getting in a comfortable quiet position and paying attention to your breathing. After that you may choose from one of the following types. Some people use recordings to help them, others just do it in with their imaginations.

• Progressive relaxation

With this relaxation technique you start at the top of your head and tense and relax your muscle groups, one group at a time. For instance start with your scalp, tense tightly and hold for a few sessions, and then let go and relax. You do this moving down you body working with each muscle group. A lot of people like this because it is more active. It is not my favorite.

• Meditation

There are a number of different types of meditation. TM (transcendental meditation) is a popular one. In TM, you use a personal “mantra”.  This type of meditation can be done by picking a word known only you. You concentrate on this word saying it over and over in their mind. The word you pick really doesn’t matter. Pick a word that has special meaning for you.

• Autogenic Training

This is repeated concentration and suggestions of sensations of heaviness and warmth in the body. Like progressive relaxation you focus on one section of the body at a time and think of it and feel it as heavy and warm. You do this over you entire body. I enjoy this type of relaxation technique.

• Visualization

This is my favorite and there are many different forms of this. I like to use a CD as I don’t have a great imagination. You can do this yourself by concentrating on a favorite place, the sounds, the smells the view etc. There are some great recorded ones that will take you on a journey in your mind. You can find them to all your favorite places, the forest, the beach the mountains.

Try them all and see what works best for you. I am making an MP3 recording with general instructions and 5 minute examples of each for only $4.99. This is a great way of tasting all of the types without spending $15.00 on each CD. This is coming soon, get on my opt in list so you will be notified as soon as it is available.

The NY Times Had a Great magazine issue This Past Sunday on Environmental Issues.

In it there was a brief mention of “eco anxiety”. This is identified as a “generalized worry about the environment”

Eco anxiety is not new, it is just reaching a threshold where it is becoming recognizable. People are talking more about the environment and realizing the importance of protecting it, even if they don’t believe in global warming.

The question is what do you do about Eco-Anxiety and about protecting the environment. Many people feel powerless to do anything or and don’t know what to do, they become immobilized.

If you use aggressive coping mechanisms this is a very uncomfortable feeling and you need to figure out what you can do. The little things mean a lot and regardless of where you stand on the issues the hints below should help you feel less anxious and more like you are doing something good, and you are!

Managing any anxiety is about understanding the issue and doing something. Most of us are confused about many of the environment issues, as there is much contradicting information. However here are 5 Very Easy things we can do to make ourselves feel better and have an effect on the environment. Thinks what these steps would do if we could get lots of people to do them! In addition you will see a big benefit for yourself!

• I know you are sick of hearing about changing light bulbs, but why aren’t you doing it. Ok they cost a little more but that is only initially. Along with shutting off lights and lowering your thermostat (raising it in hot weather) you will LOVE the effect on your electric bill, let alone the world.
• Buy less packaging. When shopping skip the products with fancy wrapping, they are more expensive. When taking doggie bags home from restaurant (I always do this it is free lunch the next day) ask for something beside Styrofoam, like wax paper or a napkin if possible. Maybe the restaurant will get the hint.
• Think how great if would be if we all agreed to not drive for one weekend day! It would make a huge difference in our need for oil, plus have so many personal benefits. One day with no errands, spend time with the kids, watch a movie, nap, and relieve yourself of the “need” to leave the house.
• Recycle junk mail, better yet reduce it. It will save you time and money; you won’t be tempted to buy.
• Reduce catalog mail at http://www.catalogchoice.org/ I had no idea how many catalogs I was getting till I started going through their list! Reduce other junk mail at DMAChoice.org
• If you don’t want something donate it to Goodwill, Salvation Army or the like. They will even pick some things up and leave you a tax receipt, this will give you about 1/3 of the value off your taxes! After your garage sale call them to pick up the remainder. If you don’t do that at least put it at the curb with a free sign, (not on garbage day) people (thank goodness) are getting less shy about curb shopping.

If you can’t do all of these PICK ONE and just do it. It will help YOU feel more in control and reduce your anxiety. It will also help the earth.

Remember the four major coping styles I identified in my last post?

•1.    Aggressive

•2.    Regressive

•3.    Withdrawal

•4.     Repressive 

I also posed some questions to stimulate thought about coping and to encourage you to identify your particular style. I believe self-awareness is the road to mental health.

Let me try to answer these questions in the manner of a professional therapist.

• Is one style more effective then another?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?    

• Is one more “mature” then another?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?    

• Is one style more prevalent in certain people, populations, why?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?    

• Is one style the most mentally healthy?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?

 Ok, joking aside, the answers really do depend on the situation. Many people think that an aggressive coping style (the jump in and take charge, fix it person) is the healthiest and most mature.  Well it may not be! Imagine trying to cope with a stress that you have no control over. That is, trying to fix something that is impossible to fix. You have probably seen people do this many times but perhaps did not recognize it for what it is. Using aggressive coping will increase your level of frustration and stress when there is no hope of success.  Think of the patient who is dying of cancer and spends his last bit of money, time, and energy looking for a miracle cure. Consider the woman, who reads every book, attends talks and conferences, seeks counseling, and tries everything she can think of to try to save a relationship that is clearly over.  Clearly aggressive coping style is not what is called for in either of these situations.

Withdrawal is often not looked on as a mature healthy coping mechanism. In some cases however, it may actually be your best bet.  Physically leaving an escalating argument for instance, may be wise indeed.

Can you think of a time when regression would be a good choice of a coping style? Many people can’t.  Well what about the man who has had major surgery or a heart attack? Becoming more dependent and asking for help is clearly necessary in order to heal. Allowing someone to bath you and help you toilet is much healthier then insisting on doing it yourself and risking your health and maybe your life. It happens all the time!

Finally repressive mechanisms may work very well in a certain situation. If stressors cannot be managed for some reason pushing them out of your mind may be very appropriate. (Remember Scarlett O Hara, who needed to take care of business first before thinking about her lost love!) If you are worried about loosing your job, but your wife or husband has a crisis, it may be best if you can put the job problem on the back burner to help your spouse.

So the answer to the question about which coping style is the most mentally healthy is, none of them.  It is the ability to use a wide variety of different styles as the situation calls for. FLEXABILITY is the key! The person who uses the same coping style over and over regardless of the situation is bound to fail. Such a person may be so stuck in a rut that they use this style even when not under stress. You know, this might be the person who avoids any confrontation at any cost (repressive style).  Persons with one style approach to coping may actually have a personality disorder.

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Here in Mental Health Hints, we have been talking some about coping with stress in our lives. As you may remember coping mechanisms are specific techniques everyone uses to deal with stress. They are also called “defense mechanisms”.

 Today I want to say a little more about styles of coping.  A style is a particular way something is expressed or said or done.  Each one of the defense mechanisms we have discussed (and will discuss) fit best with  a certain style of coping.  We all tend to  have a  most  comfortable  coping style, the one we use most often. This is especially true in very stressful situations or crisis.

 Certain styles of coping go with certain types of personalities.  There are four basic coping styles. Which style sounds most like you?

 Aggressive Coping Style:

  Persons with an aggressive style are the ones who run into a problem or stressor and immediately set out to deal with it. They have the “Ill fix it!” mentality. They usually start out by trying to find out more about the problem. They hit it head on, do research on it and often build up some expertise in the area.  Then they make a plan about how to deal with it. Most often, if possible, these plans are carried out.

 Regressive Coping Style:

 This is the person who may feel unable to deal with the stressor or crisis. They look for someone to take care of it for them.  They may become more dependent on others and regress into an almost childlike stance. Their basic thinking is “I am not able to fix this” and “Help me I can’t do it alone!”

 Withdrawal Coping Style:

This is someone who actually withdraws from the situation. They may remove himself or herself physically or mentally from the problem or stressor. They may actually skip town,  or just go to great lengths to avoid the situation all together.

 Repressive Coping Style: 

 When using  a repressive style the person pushes the problem out of their mind so they don’t need to deal with it.  This is the “If I don’t think about it will go away” style. This can be done on a conscious or unconscious level.  ( Scarlet O’Hara’s use of  suppression  is an example of a conscious coping mechanism of the repressive style.)

 As you read about these styles do some questions come to mind?

• Is one style more effective then another?
• Is one more “mature” then another?
• Is one style more prevalent in certain people, populations, why?
• Is one style  the most mentally healthy?

 Give it some thought, perhaps post a comment with your ideas, and I will get back to the topic soon.

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In previous posts I spoke about defense  mechanisms in general, and  supression in  particular.  I also promised more.

Well here it is:  lets talk more about a fairly common defense mechanism:

Rationalization

 You know about rationalization, it what Archie Bunker does!  (And probably lots of other people you know, maybe you even do it yourself once in a while!) 

Archie  was a bigot, and reactionary, a family man and blue collar worker skillfully played by Carroll O’Connor in  All in The Family. This series ran from 1971 through 1979 and forced us all to look at our own prejudices and stereotypes of anyone who was “different”.

Archie justifies his prejudicial attitudes, beliefs, and behavior by applying his crazy logic and false notions that he has thoroughly deluded himself with. Not only can he justify it, but he can even convince himself that these behaviors are actually good or wise in some way. 

His reasons for his prejudice against black people and gays are the clearest statements of rationalization, although there are many other examples.  Archie is so transparent in his rationalization (to everyone but himself) that most of the time we find it absurd and even funny. It can also be painful to watch!    

Actually the definition of Rationalization goes something like:

A process of making up (not necessarily consciously) a logical explanation or justification for unacceptable beliefs, decisions, actions (or lack of actions,) behaviors or feelings.  The true reasons for those feeling or behaviors are usually very different from the stated explanation.

If you are feeling down, here is a quick way to feel better.

Laughter is truly good medicine. Research has shown it can

• improve your mood
• help to lower your blood pressure
• help you deal with stress
• boost  your immune system
• make you relax and feel good.
• release  endorphins
• improve breathing 
• reduce anxiety

If you havent read Norman Cousins Book Anatomy of an Illness, his account of using laughter to win a battle with a severe illness you should.

In the meantime laugh. Babies laughing is very contageous!

Check out this fantastic UTube video to make you smile (or laugh good and loud.)

   In previous blogs I talked about the use of  defense mechanisms  as a way of coping. I realized that I may have jumped the gun and not have  described clearly what coping is.  Coping  is a word we are all familiar with and use often, but do we know what the word really means? Coping is an almost automatic psychological regulation process that we all use when we feel a little off balance psychologically. Being off balance means experiencing feelings that may be unpleasant or just unwanted such as: anger, fear, embarrassment, and even closeness or intimacy for some (and lots of variations on these.) It occurs when our emotional security and comfort level begins to feel shaken in some way. During a crisis we all use our most familiar comfortable  coping / defense  mechanisms often unconsciously.

Coping is a psychological maneuver that we use to reduce, control, or avoid unpleasant or unwanted emotions. 

It is important to realize that coping can be at all levels of consciousness:

• Conscious—  (we know exactly what we are doing, see Scarlet O’Hara blog)
• Subconscious—  (we have some vague idea of what we are doing)
• Unconscious — (happens quickly, almost automatically and we are totally unaware of it)

Coping Styles tend to be one of four types. 

Each type has its related defense mechanisms that work best for that style.  

Coping Styles  

• Aggressive:  Taking charge, I will fix it!
• Regressive:  Becoming less capable. Help me, I can’t do it!
• Withdrawal:  Removing yourself from situation, avoidance
• Repressive: Pushing the situation out of your mind.

  In a previous blog, I gave you an example of a defensive mechanism that fits with the repressive coping style.   Now I would like to ask you to participate in this discussion with your comments and thoughts about the questions below. 

1. Can you name something you (or someone you know) might do (a defense mechanism) when using one or more of these styles? Don’t worry about naming it, just describe it. I will try to name it.
2. Name the coping style you think is the most psychologically healthy and mature,  and  name the one you believe is the least healthy. (hint read previous blogs)

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Now that I have wetted your appetite for information on defense mechanisms lets talk about supression.

  Supression is a theoretical concept based on the work of Freud. It is a common way of coping with anxiety and crises for some people.  Scarlett OHara, the heroine of Gone with the Wind is a prime example of someone  who uses suppression as a defense mechanism. There are multiple examples of this throughout the movie, as she consciously  pushes away thoughts that cause psychological discomfort and anxiety.  As the movie shows this is a technique that sometimes works well, while at other times does not.  

  The best example of suppression I know, is uttered by Scarlett in the last scene of  the movie.  Because she cannot fact the prospect of Rhett leaving her,  she says “I will think about it tomorrow, I will think about it tomorrow at Tara”.   

Suppression, can be  helpful for the short term, but of course you can’t put off thinking about important things indefinitely without serious conquences.

Thoughts on Supression

• Supression may be helpful for the short term. It is a quick fix that allows you to act on another critical matter.
• Supression may seem effective at first, but the unwanted thoughts will keep popping back into your mind.
• Supression uses a lot of psychological energy.
• Supression avoids problem solving about the real issue.
• To solve the real problem you must let yourself think about the unthinkable.