Dear Dr Duffy, 

 Can you help me?  I am a 35-year-old man with a responsible job as a Sales Coordinator in a leading Company.  I have a problem with unwanted fear (Social Phobia) for example when I see my Boss I am feeling very frightened with shaking in my body. In
meetings I am not able to reply properly to questions even though I am well prepared and know the exact answer. Sometimes when I answer phone calls I can’t ever speak properly.  However my work is quite good. I want to get rid this problem at any cost as I know it will effect my future.

Joe

Dear Joe,

  There are generally 2 treatments used for social phobia (although
 yours sounds like it may be more than that) Do you have other symptoms
 (obsessive symptoms, depression, sleep disturbance)? In general all
 your symptoms indicate some type of anxiety disorder. The treatments
 most successful are behavioral therapy and medication. I don’t know if
 you can find a behavioral therapist who deals with anxiety disorder.
 It is worth a try.

The best medications for anxiety disorders are SSRIs such as (Prozac,
 Paxil, Celexa and Lexapro)

 If you send me more info about symptoms and family history maybe I can
 say more. Are you using alcohol or drugs?

Dr. D

 Dear Dr. Duffy,

Thanks for your valuable advice, I appreciate that. Actually I have all symptoms, which you said i.e. obsessive symptoms, depression, sleep
disturbance. I do not use alcohol or drugs. About
my family there is nothing wrong but my childhood was very lonely
did not play with others; usually I was inside my house. I am now married and I   have a 4-year-old daughter. 

Yes I know about Paxil, it is possible to get it without a prescription and how long will I have to use that medicine?

Joe

 Dear Joe,

Yes it sounds like you might well benefit from an SSRI, Paxil is not my
favorite due to weight gain and sexual dysfunction (NOT EVERYONE gets this
and it can happen with all SSRIS!!) You can try a medication and change if
need be. I prefer Prozac or Celexa, which seem to have less of these side
effects. Due to your obsessive symptoms you may need up to 60 of Paxil or
Prozac or Celexa. Yes you do need a prescription in US.

This medication should be used for at least one year, and then a trial off is
warranted. Many people need to go back on the medicine due to the return of
symptoms. Many people feel so much better on medication they would not think
of going off it.
I would also encourage you to find someone to talk to.

 Dr. D

 

Dr. Duffy

 Thank you very much for you kind advice, I don’t know how to express my
gratitude, thank you very much.
Joe

 Are you one of those people who ruminate after you said or did something you regret? You know, you can’t get it out of your mind, replaying it over and over in your head. You spend lots of time thinking what you should have done or said. 

I find self-talk to help me with a reality check when I am over-worrying and can’t let go of something I regret having said or done.  A sense of humor helps to keep a reality check and goes a long way to relieving your angst.  Try these suggestions they work better the more often you use them. 

 1.     Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen here. Take this to the extreme of your worries, no holes barred. This technique will help you to see the reality of your concerns. 

Lets say you said something you regret to your boss and you can’t stop worrying about it. So let you worries go to their extreme what is the worst that could happen? Here is an example.

• You said something really stupid to your boss
• Your boss is angry with you
• Your boss will fire you
• You will not be able to find work
• You will loose you wife and family
• You will loose you home car and all your possessions.
• You will end up on the street all-alone.

 Can you see how doing the above will help you see that your concerns are over the top?

 2.     Remind yourself that this is not the worse thing you have ever done, and you are confident that you will do more things in the future.

•  Remember when something similar happened in the past that ended with a fizzle not an explosion.
• I often tell myself in a few days I will make another faux pa and this one will be gone and I will be worrying over the new one.
• This too will pass and I will do other things that I can worry and ruminate about

 This really helps me not to take myself so seriously and remember that the earth does not respond to all my mistakes.

   3.  Reassure yourself that what you say and do is not as important to others as it is to you.

•  Often others don’t even notice and you have been totally worrying for nothing.
• Our actions are more important in our own mind than in the mind of others.
• Remember a time when this occurred.

 

 4.  Try and develop a philosophy that “things often happen as they are meant to be (for the best)”, and outcomes can be surprising.

• We cannot always anticipate or control the future. This is a difficult concept for some of us to accept. However, it can be very comforting as it relieves us of the belief and pressure to fix and control everything.
• As and example of this, the boss may develop more respect for you for speaking your mind.

Are you ready to come out of your hibernation or do you have the urge to run back in your home and hide?  Because of the cold winter and what feels like constant bad news about the economy, many of us continue to feel like staying inside and avoiding the whole thing. It’s not so hopeful out there and we are barraged with so many things that can bring us down. Anxiety about money and our economy tops the list. When I say our economy I mean our personal budgets, how to pay rising bills, deal with less income and stretch our dollars. This constant worry about money seems to be there all the time, even when we are thinking about other things. Are you experiencing that feeling in the pit of your stomach (anxiety) whenever the issue of money arises (which is often)?

 

Well you know what? I say it’s ok to pull inward and comfort yourself for another 6 weeks. Once you know you have done your best to cut expenses and maximize income it’s not only ok but healthy to distract yourself and pull away from constant barrage of bad news and your own worries. Some things cannot be fixed right away and need to be waited out.

 

So take another 6 weeks to hibernate, comfort yourself and build your inner strength. Spend time at home, listen to music, and watch some of those old movies you have always wanted to see, catch up on your reading. The library is a great place for free afternoon’s entertainment, and there is something so grounding and stable about a library. 

 

Work online, find some new things to learn, keep your mind occupied with pleasant interesting ideas, and consider enhancing your spiritual growth. Teach yourself relaxation / meditation; there are lots of free or inexpensive resources to help you, (try my relaxation sampler) and this is a great way to calm yourself when your worries start to bloom.

 

Make some comforting inexpensive food, especially soup; try some bean, potato, vegetable or my personal favorite squash soup. It is so comforting!  Puttering in the kitchen and around the house is always relaxing to me. Do some light cleaning, clean out your closets and get rid of the stuff you don’t need. A trip to a local thrift store will get rid of your extras and maybe find you a great bargain. Consider doing a small project, such as working in wood or some crafts. Hands on is always good to distract you from your worries.  Use your imagination to tap into your left brain (creative side).

Remember worrying never solved anything. Productive thinking and planning of course is necessary at times but it needs to be focused and time limited. Worrying and ruminating is counterproductive, it never helps but in fact gets in the way of realistic planning, and clear productive thinking.  So give yourself a break.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right now I am going through some major changes in my life, retirement, relationships traveling, finances, what else is there?  All change, no matter how planned or positive brings some anxiety along with excitement. This article came to me just in time to give me a needed boost. Thanks to my terrific financial advisor Jay Cappon who wrote it.  Check him out at his great website

 

                                                  Change: How Best To Deal With It

By Jay Cappon

 

Change is inevitable, and unfortuunately, dealing with this reality of life is not easy for everyone.  A prime example of this are the changes that are now taking place in the economy and the stock market. But I wish to focus not on financial change, but on change in general, and the premise that when we adapt and embrace change, we are more likely to achieve our goals and live our dreams. 

 One of the great advantages of humans is our ability to adapt to and prepare for change.  History is full of countless examples of this, yet, too often we are resistant to change. This is likely due to the comfort that the status quo gives to us. Staying with what is comfortable and familiar keeps us connected to our past, especially if it gives us “good” memories. But we must not lose sight of any exciting opportunities for growth and new experiences that change brings. Being open-minded to new  ideas is an essential ingredient for living a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

Implementing change in our life often involves a certain degree of risk. How successful we become at accepting and implementing change often depends on how well we prepare for it. The following suggestions are ways in which we can open our minds to change:

• Collect facts about the change Having this information in written  form will help you assess the impact of this change on you and how this impact may have a positive outcome.
• Evaluate all the possible risks What may go wrong if you go ahead and implement this change? Can you be negatively affected by the change? What may be the worst-case scenario?
• How will you deal with the risks Once you have identified the risks, develop a solution – in the form of a written plan – for each one.
• Commit yourself to perseverance
  Write down your commitment to the change, making it in the form of a contract to yourself. Then, keep it in a location where you will see it regularly as a constant reminder.
  
• Make the implementation process a series of small steps If you view change as a series of small steps instead of one large one, you will avoid “biting off more than you can chew”. It will be easier for you to reach several small milestones, along with a positive attitude and confidence in yourself.
  
• Reevaluate your process Be flexible  and make any adjustments – changes -  as you need to ensure success.
• Reward yourself for each small accomplishment.  Celebrate smaller  milestones and monitor the progress you have made. Â
  

It is very true that change can cause many people to feel anxious or uncertain about the future. Yet, those of us who adapt, prepare for, and monitor change can experience it  as one of life’s great motivators– and rewards.

The NY Times Had a Great magazine issue This Past Sunday on Environmental Issues.

In it there was a brief mention of “eco anxiety”. This is identified as a “generalized worry about the environment”

Eco anxiety is not new, it is just reaching a threshold where it is becoming recognizable. People are talking more about the environment and realizing the importance of protecting it, even if they don’t believe in global warming.

The question is what do you do about Eco-Anxiety and about protecting the environment. Many people feel powerless to do anything or and don’t know what to do, they become immobilized.

If you use aggressive coping mechanisms this is a very uncomfortable feeling and you need to figure out what you can do. The little things mean a lot and regardless of where you stand on the issues the hints below should help you feel less anxious and more like you are doing something good, and you are!

Managing any anxiety is about understanding the issue and doing something. Most of us are confused about many of the environment issues, as there is much contradicting information. However here are 5 Very Easy things we can do to make ourselves feel better and have an effect on the environment. Thinks what these steps would do if we could get lots of people to do them! In addition you will see a big benefit for yourself!

• I know you are sick of hearing about changing light bulbs, but why aren’t you doing it. Ok they cost a little more but that is only initially. Along with shutting off lights and lowering your thermostat (raising it in hot weather) you will LOVE the effect on your electric bill, let alone the world.
• Buy less packaging. When shopping skip the products with fancy wrapping, they are more expensive. When taking doggie bags home from restaurant (I always do this it is free lunch the next day) ask for something beside Styrofoam, like wax paper or a napkin if possible. Maybe the restaurant will get the hint.
• Think how great if would be if we all agreed to not drive for one weekend day! It would make a huge difference in our need for oil, plus have so many personal benefits. One day with no errands, spend time with the kids, watch a movie, nap, and relieve yourself of the “need” to leave the house.
• Recycle junk mail, better yet reduce it. It will save you time and money; you won’t be tempted to buy.
• Reduce catalog mail at http://www.catalogchoice.org/ I had no idea how many catalogs I was getting till I started going through their list! Reduce other junk mail at DMAChoice.org
• If you don’t want something donate it to Goodwill, Salvation Army or the like. They will even pick some things up and leave you a tax receipt, this will give you about 1/3 of the value off your taxes! After your garage sale call them to pick up the remainder. If you don’t do that at least put it at the curb with a free sign, (not on garbage day) people (thank goodness) are getting less shy about curb shopping.

If you can’t do all of these PICK ONE and just do it. It will help YOU feel more in control and reduce your anxiety. It will also help the earth.