Question

Dear Dr Duffy,

i was hoping if you would be able to advise me about a friend that i have who seems to be lying about things. i believe that he has a mental problem and that i believe that he does not realise what he is saying. i have known him for 3 years, and he has lied with alot of confidence for example lying about countries that he has visited, when he obvious has not, jobs he has had, etc. i just want to be sure that if whether this is true or not. should i ask him further questions about the lies that he has told me, without me mentioning to him that i know he is lying. and if i do this i hope it does not make his mental state worse. what should i do? i look forward to hear from you.

Answer:

It is hard to answer this without seeing your friend. If she has no other symptoms of psychiatric illness  this is probably not about a major mental illness. This type of lying can be a part of a mental illness but goes along with other symptoms ( rapid speech, lack of sleep, irritability, false beliefs).

Look up Bipolar Disorder ( you can find it on my site) and see if she has other signs of this disorder. If so he needs to be seen by a mental health professional.

On the other hand, sometime people with severe low self esteem make up these kinds of things to make themselves  feel better.

If you really care about your friend,  gently let him know you are concerned and do not see how these things cannot be true. But be prepared for his anger.  Going along with the lies as if you believe them is not helpful to him or your relationship.

Good luck

Dr. Duffy