PsychSense: Sensible Psychological Solutions

 Are you one of those people who ruminate after you said or did something you regret? You know, you can’t get it out of your mind, replaying it over and over in your head. You spend lots of time thinking what you should have done or said. 

I find self-talk to help me with a reality check when I am over-worrying and can’t let go of something I regret having said or done.  A sense of humor helps to keep a reality check and goes a long way to relieving your angst.  Try these suggestions they work better the more often you use them. 

 1.     Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen here. Take this to the extreme of your worries, no holes barred. This technique will help you to see the reality of your concerns. 

Lets say you said something you regret to your boss and you can’t stop worrying about it. So let you worries go to their extreme what is the worst that could happen? Here is an example.

• You said something really stupid to your boss
• Your boss is angry with you
• Your boss will fire you
• You will not be able to find work
• You will loose you wife and family
• You will loose you home car and all your possessions.
• You will end up on the street all-alone.

 Can you see how doing the above will help you see that your concerns are over the top?

 2.     Remind yourself that this is not the worse thing you have ever done, and you are confident that you will do more things in the future.

•  Remember when something similar happened in the past that ended with a fizzle not an explosion.
• I often tell myself in a few days I will make another faux pa and this one will be gone and I will be worrying over the new one.
• This too will pass and I will do other things that I can worry and ruminate about

 This really helps me not to take myself so seriously and remember that the earth does not respond to all my mistakes.

   3.  Reassure yourself that what you say and do is not as important to others as it is to you.

•  Often others don’t even notice and you have been totally worrying for nothing.
• Our actions are more important in our own mind than in the mind of others.
• Remember a time when this occurred.

 4.  Try and develop a philosophy that “things often happen as they are meant to be (for the best)”, and outcomes can be surprising.

• We cannot always anticipate or control the future. This is a difficult concept for some of us to accept. However, it can be very comforting as it relieves us of the belief and pressure to fix and control everything.
• As and example of this, the boss may develop more respect for you for speaking your mind.