There is a terrific article in the NY Times today that is a must read for everyone who will eventually die (that’s you & me). It talks about the “you must fight” attitude many of us think we should have and expect of other people when they are very ill.  Is this the best for them and us?

The usual statement ” I am going to fight and beat this” is the politically correct thing to do, especially in public. However, many people believe that this is the way we must react to illness; keep a stiff upper lip and fight!  This is what some people (not the writer) think is a positive attitude. The truth is that no one can be strong all the time, especially when your life is threatened. Moments of feeling weak and frightened do not mean you are going to give up. Expectations that are unrealistic make people think: What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be more like him?  I must be weak. I am ashamed of myself. I am feeling sorry for myself.

 The fear and anger that we hold inside eventually will take its toll. It will cost you and those around you. I believe the stress of hiding true feelings will make it more difficult for you to heal. The inability or unwillingness to cry or get mad can be a costly trait.

 We are very death phobic in this country and life at any cost seems to be our mantra.  Don’t get me wrong, many people fight long and hard to live, and survive against all odds. That is right for them. But even these folks have moments of feeling like giving up. That is normal, these moments pass, but the feelings should be acknowledged or they will only become more powerful. Then there are others who perhaps don’t fight as hard to live for lots of reasons; and that is ok too.

 As someone who worked for many years with people who were ill and often dying, I know there are as many ways of dying as of living. But everyone has moments (days, weeks) of fear, sadness, and anger. We do not need to share all of feelings of fear and anger with everyone at all times, but you must allow them. Hopefully  you can share them with someone who will listen.

  When I had my heart attack a few years ago, lying in the ER I thought, “Well this might be it”.  I remember being sad about leaving those I loved. I cried a little. I then turned over and peacefully went to sleep. Well as you can see, I woke up. I had three new 3 stents in my heart and more time. I am trying to enjoy that time to the max and build a legacy to leave when my time does come.

 My thoughts are with Senator Kennedy, Patrick Swayze and all those struggling for life. For them and all of us I say, enjoy live as best you can at the moment and go easy on yourself!