Question and Answer Post

From a Reader named “Mary”

Please help me! I have been in a relationship with my live in boyfriend about 3 yrs. He is like having another child around. He does not help with things and expects me to take care of everything. He has a bad temper and although he has never hit me when he gets angry he breaks things. I want to end this relationship but when I tell him that he says he can’t live without me and will kill himself if I go. I’m scared! I don’t know what to do. I cry all the time and can’t sleep well at night.

I am often asked what to say or do to comfort someone who is upset. My answer is always : make an empathic comment. In thinking about it however I decided to give some examples of what not to say.

1.”I know just how you feel, when this happened to me blah, blah, blah.”

2. “Everything will work out for the best.”

3. “It’s time to put it behind you”

4.”You will get through this.”

5. “Thinking about it will just make you more upset.”

6. Attempts to change the subject

I realize I am a little late posting on this story, but I have been struggling with what to say. I decided to tell my own experience around this issue. I read the story on Harvard MDs and drug company money with a mixture of guilty pleasure (I was right!!!) and disgust.  The guilty pleasure comes from the I told you so feeling that I couldn’t help.  I had been complaining about the Harvard view for a long time (but nobody had listened.)

Be Prepared

We have all been reading about the floods in the midwest, the tornados and the wild fires in California. While we feel for those affected there is always relief that it did not happen to us or someone we love. While this is understandable, don’t put your head in the sand, or use denial. Perhaps its time to review the things you need to do to deal with a weather emergency. Remember the first thing is to take a deep breath, try to remain calm and get your list of things to gather or do. Use the skills you have learned at this site to remain calm and help others stay calm.

I would like to thank my financial advisor Jay Cappon of Rochester NY who is the author of this article. It is one of the many good and practical things he does to help people manage their money. Check out his web site at www.capvestfinancial.com 

We all know that a stress-filled existence is responsible for nail biting and dark circles under the eyes. But we may not realize the heavy toll it can extract from our bank account. Chronic stress, the kind you experience when the demands of life exceed your ability to cope, increases your risk of developing ailments ranging from the common cold and gum disease to obesity and heart diseases. This, in turn, will cause you to pay more for medical treatments, insurance and dental work. If you need more incentive to do something about your stressful lifestyle, consider these potential costs:

There is a terrific article in the NY Times today that is a must read for everyone who will eventually die (that’s you & me). It talks about the “you must fight” attitude many of us think we should have and expect of other people when they are very ill.  Is this the best for them and us?