PsychSense: Sensible Psychological Solutions

Remember the four major coping styles I identified in my last post?

•1.    Aggressive

•2.    Regressive

•3.    Withdrawal

•4.     Repressive 

I also posed some questions to stimulate thought about coping and to encourage you to identify your particular style. I believe self-awareness is the road to mental health.

Let me try to answer these questions in the manner of a professional therapist.

• Is one style more effective then another?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?    

• Is one more “mature” then another?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?    

• Is one style more prevalent in certain people, populations, why?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?    

• Is one style the most mentally healthy?
  Hmm, it depends, what do you think?

 Ok, joking aside, the answers really do depend on the situation. Many people think that an aggressive coping style (the jump in and take charge, fix it person) is the healthiest and most mature.  Well it may not be! Imagine trying to cope with a stress that you have no control over. That is, trying to fix something that is impossible to fix. You have probably seen people do this many times but perhaps did not recognize it for what it is. Using aggressive coping will increase your level of frustration and stress when there is no hope of success.  Think of the patient who is dying of cancer and spends his last bit of money, time, and energy looking for a miracle cure. Consider the woman, who reads every book, attends talks and conferences, seeks counseling, and tries everything she can think of to try to save a relationship that is clearly over.  Clearly aggressive coping style is not what is called for in either of these situations.

Withdrawal is often not looked on as a mature healthy coping mechanism. In some cases however, it may actually be your best bet.  Physically leaving an escalating argument for instance, may be wise indeed.

Can you think of a time when regression would be a good choice of a coping style? Many people can’t.  Well what about the man who has had major surgery or a heart attack? Becoming more dependent and asking for help is clearly necessary in order to heal. Allowing someone to bath you and help you toilet is much healthier then insisting on doing it yourself and risking your health and maybe your life. It happens all the time!

Finally repressive mechanisms may work very well in a certain situation. If stressors cannot be managed for some reason pushing them out of your mind may be very appropriate. (Remember Scarlett O Hara, who needed to take care of business first before thinking about her lost love!) If you are worried about loosing your job, but your wife or husband has a crisis, it may be best if you can put the job problem on the back burner to help your spouse.

So the answer to the question about which coping style is the most mentally healthy is, none of them.  It is the ability to use a wide variety of different styles as the situation calls for. FLEXABILITY is the key! The person who uses the same coping style over and over regardless of the situation is bound to fail. Such a person may be so stuck in a rut that they use this style even when not under stress. You know, this might be the person who avoids any confrontation at any cost (repressive style).  Persons with one style approach to coping may actually have a personality disorder.

�