Women's Interest

Self Empathy for Women: Learn to Take Care of Yourselves

Virginia J. Duffy PhD, NPP

"Take care of yourself" is a common way to say good by in our culture; however it is much easier to say then to do! Women particularly have a hard time doing this.

Women's Sense of self is Often One of Caretaker and Nurturer, and Society Enforces This View.

Nurturing and caretaking have long been associated with women. Some theorists believe that womens' sense of identity and self comes from relationships with others, usually in the caring role. The role of caretaker is firmly entrenched in womens' psyche. This often is so strong that women feel guilty whenever they say no to others or put their own needs first.

Who Comes First You or Me?

When a woman must choose between caring for herself and caring for another, social pressure fosters the choice of nurturing of others. Women often experiences conflict when faced with what may seem like the continual choice of caring for others or caring for themselves. It is not unusual for women to have difficulty saying no or setting limits, thus ending up doing more than they really want to.
Women frequently nurture everyone but themselves and end up feeling conflicted, unappreciated, resentful, and burned out. Women already struggle with these issues and this is even worse for those in the professional or personal role of nurturer/helper.

Reminders for Women:

• Take care of yourself, it will relieve some of your stress.

• Practice stress reduction techniques (exercise, relaxation, meditation, distraction)

• Learn to say no. This will actually make you a better caretaker, although perhaps less often and to less people.

• Caretaking more out of conscious choice has less resentment, is more genuine, and this is felt by the recipient.

• Remember letting people help themselves fosters their independence and personal growth.

• Learn and use self-empathy and self-nurturing techniques.

• Some women press caretaking on others.

• Pressuring someone to accept caretaking is more for the giver then the receiver. This is often experienced as control. (and it is)

• Work on getting to know and understand yourself better.

• Question yourself why you are trying so hard to be a caretaker.

• Try understanding and treating yourself with the same care you give to others.

• Allow yourself to say no, offer alternatives, or even avoid situations if you feel unable to say no.

• Plan for other activities where you routinely spend your time helping others.

• Recognize and allow your own feelings

Learn To Take Care Of Yourself First, You Will Feel Better And Be In A Better Place To Help Others.

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